That Song

Eli: Dad, can you play that song?

Me: Going to have to be a bit more specific buddy.

Eli:  The dying for a thousand years song.

Me:  Yeah bud.

We love that song in our family.  I first heard the song, not on the soundtrack for the teenage sci-fi drama about those adorable vampires and werewolves...but as a part of a Welcome Home Adoption special.  I'm a fan of Christina Perri...yeah, i said it, so what; she has a great voice...and as I watched the special and the images of families formed through adoption, tears of joy rolled down my cheeks.  What joy, what words, what a story and picture it paints of the reality of so many families created through adoption.  Of the longing of the parents to give of themselves and the longing of the children to know they are beautiful and made perfectly!  It encapsulates so much of the emotion Mandy and I felt as we waited on that couch for the boys to make their way downstairs to meet these strangers; these people that their loving Foster Parents had been showing them pictures of and calling them 'Mom' and 'Dad'.  So when I played that song on repeat so much, the kids asked us why we loved it so much.

We could barely get through it as we explained and listened to the song again.  The longing described and fulfilled in song is something that I know is possessed by all of us, not just those touched by adoption.  And while we continue to teach our kids the reality of our Father and King being the true fulfillment of that longing; I'm grateful that my 5 year old recognizes, appreciates, and feels the depth of love that went into creating our family.  He truly loves this song, we'll listen to it and he'll sing it the rest of the day.  This lil man understands the power that can flow from music.

So as I made the kids breakfast, listening to some of my music...let me tell you how much i loved hearing Eli ask out of the blue to hear this song.

"It's about becoming a family, Dad.  It's about loving and adoption."

Yeah bud.

"Why does she say she is dying?"

It's a metaphor bud.  She is describing how badly she was waiting and how much love she had to share and how she believes that the one she loves is the one she was always meant to love and now that they are together they can love each other.

"Oh...


Dad, I like this song."

Me too bud.

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you're in

Luke.  that's the one.  i love Luke.  of all the gospels this is the one which, for whatever reason I've found myself going to more than the others.  i think it has a lot to do with the fact that Luke is written as an outsider for other outsiders to see they aren't outsiders but are included as citizens within this thing called the kingdom of God.
we had this Bible Study group in Kansas City while I was in seminary.  it was a great group, about 9 of us from different churches, denominations would get together, share a snack and study the word.  love those people, miss them too. (even if i never say it, i'm awful at keeping up with people...even my own mother, ask her about my first few months of college. sorry, tangent...)  We were going through pieces of Luke for a time and throughout the weeks we unpacked how one of the themes in the book is that the Gospel of Jesus, that Jesus is not for just a select group of people, but for all of creation.  what a great journey, we had different people in that group, people with a passion of foreign missions and urban missions.  we were all encouraged and confirmed with what we knew we already believed, that the Gospel is not for those like me or those in a specific group, back the Gospel, the kingdom of God is inclusive.  if you're breathing, if you've been created, if you've been born...you're in.
last week we sat in the backyard, listening to a dear friend share with our community about her experience in Africa, we all sat listening to her share stories of God speaking to everyone at that conference..and when she shared that the one thing we all should hear and think on over the next week was the inclusive nature of the kingdom, i of course jumped (not literally, that would have been funny) with excitement. YES, YES, it is...the gospel isn't mine to possess, it's not for Europeans, Republicans, Democrats, Suburban Middle Class Value holding people, poor people...the good news is for us all.  in our community filled with people from every tribe tongue and nation, that is a message we constantly need to hear.
as we came to a close and I began to challenge everyone to think of one practical way they could begin to practice inclusiveness as a discipline, i thought i kind of had it in the bag.  this will be easy for me.  as we all sat for a moment reflecting on what way that would be so we could share it for accountability, imagine my shock when God clearly nudged me to think about those i've often left outside of my own pursuit of my creator.  Dom, Eli, and Mia.
know hear me, we pray, we read Bible Stories, we teach them about how Jesus would have has treat our friends, our family...but I am constantly trying to 'get away' from my kids so i can 'get with' God.  i was looking forward to an easy week of responding to our communities' challenge and found myself entering territory that was utterly foreign to me.  include some of the young men from the neighborhood...got it.  adults who don't look, think, or act like me...not a problem, this is North Portland, you can't go a day without doing that.  My 5,4 and 7 month old.  *gulp*
it was a fruitful week.  every night when we put the kids to bed we sing them a song, usually it is the Barney closing song (yeah, i know), the ABCs, Mary Had a Little Lamb, or Jesus Loves Me.  I've always sung TO them, the idea of singing with them never crossed my mind.  so this week, I began to ask Eli to sing with me and made sure Jesus Loves Me was a part of every night's routine, it became an opportunity to worship in music with my lil man.
one night he asked me, "Dad, can we sing Jesus is Alive?"
me: "I don't know that one buddy, can you teach me?"
eli: "Sure, it goes like this: Jesus is Alive, YEAH.  Jesus is Alive, YEAH.  Jesus is Alive. YEAH YEAH YEAH.
me: i'd love to sing that with you buddy.
so there we laid, singing the song he made up as we went, and i found myself rejoicing in the reality of Jesus being Alive, of his kingdom including my 4 year old, and very thankful for the challenge to include them in my pursuit of him.
I asked Eli to sing the song again the next morning, it was a bit different than the night before, but never the less...for your opportunity to worship in song along with my 4 year old.  Love you Eli.  Thank you Jesus.

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just a couple

So much to share. i cannot even begin to share about all the things that have happened, are happening. so for now, here are a couple stories about the boys:

a couple days ago we were sitting in the park having lunch and Dom was noticing that Eli and our friend Jaquintz both had two peaches in their lunches...he only had one. so we looked around, Mandy suggested that he may have dropped it in between where he had picked up his lunch and where we were eating...

Dom: "You know, there's a song about this." and he begins

'I lost my pe-each. i don't know whe-ere it went. Mommy said it could have fallen, so we co-ould look. I don't know where that peach is so i have to eat my cookies....' this went on for about 35-40 seconds and then; he looks at me and pauses, 'Dad, lets just take a moment, this is a long song.'

we could not stop laughing

Then yesterday, Eli was wanting something; I can't really even remember what it was. He asked Mandy for something and she told him no. So, he waits for her to leave the room and then asks me the same thing:

Me: What did Mommy say?

Eli: Stop talking to me Dad. I don't want to talk to you anymore.

Nice....

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fragility

life is fragile.  i know, a completely shocking statement, something we all know, few would argue...but its reality can only be experienced.  53.  that's how old my aunt judy would have been today had cancer not finally won her 5+ year battle.  18.  that's how old billy would have been on his next birthday had he not been gunned down on last monday.  2. that's how old the youngest child was who watched billy die. 6. that's how old little messiah is, she watched her pseudo-big brother billy die in her daddy's arms.  16, that's how old the young man is who is currently being held in billy's murder.

'...a voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children...'

i watch these two little boys run, play, experience all their little eyes can take in and the abandon with which they throw themselves into the vroom-vroom of their tiny cars or rawrs of their dinosaurs...and i can't help but think about how fragile they are, and how fragile their lives have already been...

...life is fragile, live for today, stand for what you believe, or stop pretending...

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Domer-Daddy Time.

these boys are happy.  they really are, sure they get frustrated and Eli's tantrums are becoming things of legend!  seriously, his flops on the floor are priceless! but they are so happy.  you can see it when they wake up in the morning and run to Mandy or I.  you can see it after nap time when Dom comes running out of the room because he gets to be with everyone again.  you can see it when they are in the backyard completely fixated on some imaginary paradise they've created.

ya know what seems to make Dom the happiest?  Domer-Daddy time.  'I get Domer-Daddy time?' he asks with genuine joy and excitement whenever Mandy or I tell him its Domer-Daddy time.  his face lights up, his muscles clinch as his body gets ready to erupt in uncontainable joy....and my heart melts.  this kid loves me.  he loves to hang out with me, watching me mow, weed, clean, eat, anything.  and if he gets hurt, he'll come running out of his room yelling, 'daddy kiss it.'  apparently my kisses have some kind of magic power for these two, for after i kiss it, the tears stop and mayhem resumes!  makes me feel like a hero, like i'm their hero...

i love Domer-Daddy time, today we went and got donuts (thanks for the idea Marshall).  we walked in, i showed him the massive case and his eyes pop out as he says, 'Wow!' yes son, wow.  all of these donuts and somehow we have to pick just one.  chocolate with sprinkles, and chocolate milk.  that's my boy.  as he slowly picks the frosting and sprinkles off the top he points out everything he sees, from the moon in a picture to a person walking on the sidewalk...do you see all this daddy?  do see how cool this world is?  everything in it is so cool, and daddy, we get to share it together!  we get to see and experience it all together.

'daddy'  yeah Dom. 'i love you so much.' i love you too bub-bub.

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our little thank you pray-er

so i wanna share something with you that happened last night...

every night before we eat dinner we all hold hands and pray.  the prayer is usually pretty short, i'll say, Dear Jesus, Thank you for our family and our food, Amen.  and then the boys will yell AMEN!  Well, last night we went to hold hands and Domer said, 'Pray?'  'I said yup and before I could start, here is what transpired...

"Jesus thank you food.  thank you family. thank you food and books."

At this point Mandy and I looked at each other and smiled.  Now, I am convinced Eli saw our smile, because he chimed in...(dom in bold, eli in italics)

"thank you toys"
"thank you toys"

"thank you house"
"thank you house"

"thank you food"
"thank you food"

"thank you mommy chair"
"thank you mommy chair"

"thank you daddy chair"
"thank you daddy chair"

(all i can see/hear are damon wayans and jim carrey as the tele-evangelists from In Living Color at this point, come on nick, hold it together...hey, you too, mandy)

"thank you eli chair"
"thank you e-i chair"

"thank you chance"
"thank you chance"

"thank you aluloolo food"
"thank you allull food"

and Mandy said, "Amen"
AMEN
AMEN

'daddy, dinner please'

you got it.

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...sleep...

mandy was sick today...she caught what eli richard was gettin over.  i hear it comes with the territory.  so, i left work mad early to come home to 'save her'.  about an hour later i was wondering who would save me?  all you stay at home moms out there...big ups.  single parents, HUGE ups.  these two boys were so excited daddy was home and when we locked mommy into her room to sleep it was like they said, 'lets see if dad knows all mom's boundaries'.  i did...but good night, i'm worn out.  what if i touch this?  what if i throw that?  what if I push him? what if I hit you? trying to cook dinner with them BEGGING for food or for me to go back to throwing them on the couch put me on the edge of speaking rather loudly to 'stop it, just stop it'....thankfully, there was that lil nudge reminding me of my stewardship responsibilities to these boys and i kept my trap shut...

...i listened to 2 sermons in the last few weeks by Eric Mason out at Epiphany Fellowship in Philly, (brother can BRING IT!)  One on Psalm 24, the other on the second parable of Matthew 25. And while we were working through Matthew 25 here, both sermons jacked me up!  i'm a steward, check that, a slave of Christ.  what i got, i don't really got...it's not mine...i'm a steward of it; this computer, my dog, our car, my wife, these boys...

...oh how my world is changing, my prayer life, my relationships...i don't wanna mess with the master's stuff...but i'm not gonna bury it either

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the boys

so its been a few weeks, so i thought i'd share a bit about life and what i'm thinking about...

first, these boys are ridiculous...dom has started asking the 'why' question, although not always at times that make sense...'dom, would you like some fish crackers?' 'why?'.  he also continues to find ways to tell me he doesn't want me to leave for work....i'm so glad he wants me around; makes me assume I'm doing something right...

eli richard is hilarious!!  he comes up with new looks all the time, doing anything to make us laugh...he also copies us as the craziest times.  whenever mandy or i get frustrated and grunt...he grunts, even if we are frustrated with him; talk about disarming...if we say something in a funny voice, he'll say that same thing in an attempt to copy the voice...he's even begun to find ways to copy dom...which aggravates dom sometimes.  and they both like to copy Swiper the fox...'ah, man'  eli richard has also started this thing with me before bed.  we read books and as we lay on the couch before we head in, he says, 'daddy, kiss?'.  he gives me a kiss then backs up and kisses me on the nose.  ahh...i love these two...

God is continuing to prune me.  it hurts.  not a day goes by where i am not reminded of my need for the cross, for Christ.  i'm thankful for it.  i dont ever want to portray and have the idea that i'm 'farther forward' on this journey of discipleship...and i don't ever want to think that my position has anything to do with my own strength and ability.  i found myself singing And Can It Be at work this week...my dad's fav...and i still can not sing 'my chains fell off, my heart was free' without being overcome with a deep sense of gratitude and desire to give back this gift i've been given.  which inevitably leads to a challenge to be on mission more.  we've been in the second half of 2 Cor 5 as a community and i cannot tell you how much i have been challenged by Paul's ministry of reconciliation, what that means for his relationship with the Corinthians and what that means for myself and our community within the community we have been placed...

...that's about it...3 weeks and one day til the greatest day of the year...

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in ten years

domer: hey dad

yeah buddy?

domer: you always say you know God wanted us to be a family.

yeah domer, there's no doubt.

domer:  how do you know?

you remember how mom took work off for a long time to be at home with you and elijah richard?

domer: yeah..

and do you remember that daddy took 3 weeks of work off so you could get to know him?

domer:  yeah, so...

well, that meant mom and dad weren't working for that time...which meant we weren't getting paid...and we were barely making it at that point.

domer: yeah, i remember, then you started working again...

haha, yeah, i did.  but ya know what?!

domer: what?

on top of how much we loved you, and how much we all get along and were just so perfect for each other...never...not once did mom and dad run out of money.  not once did our account go into negative numbers.  not once.  remember how dad told you about Abraham and Issac?

domer: yeah...we're not going to a mountain are we??

haha, no buddy...remember how Abraham named the mountain Jehovah Jireh?

elijah richard:  that means God provides, right?

yeah, elijah richard, it does.  in the midst of not working, and in the midst of mom and dad having no clue how to parent...we were never without during that 6-8 weeks.  God provided beyond, BEYOND, anything we could have asked for.

domer: dad?

yeah?

domer: i'm glad.
elijah richard: yeah, i'm glad.

me too guys, i love you.

domer: we love you too dad.
elijah richard: yeah.

...hey...it could happen...

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hush little baby...

so the boys like it when we sing them to sleep...now, singing softly for an extended period of time with traditionally short kids songs is a bit difficult.  so when i started singing hush little baby, then forgot some of the lyrics, i made up my own...mandy was laughing and said i should share...so here ya go, for your amusement (hopefully)

hush little baby don't say a word
daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
and if that mockingbird dont sing
daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring
and if that diamond ring don't shine
daddy's gonna get you on Whose Line
and if the crowd will not laugh
daddy's gonna get you a giant giraffe
and if that giraffe will not eat
daddy's gonna get a guy with a beat
and if that guy cannot rhyme
daddy's gonna get you a clock to tell time
and if that clock will not tick
daddy's gonna give it a big swift kick
and if by chance daddy does miss
daddy's gonna give you a great big kiss

and in the words of richard...fank you, fank you...

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hahaha...i hid it

so the boys love to drink...milk, what were you thinking?  they carry their cups with them everywhere...but they can't have them when we are eating, because they wouldn't eat, they'd just drink.  so, during snack time the other day, Dom had finished his snack and we gave him his cup and he says, "where's richard's cup?"  Richard responds by sheepishly saying, "my cup".  So the search begins...

Richard's cup could be anywhere, in any room, under or on anything.  So Mandy and I start searching the living room, their room, the bathroom, under the couch, under the chair, under pillows, in the book box...everywhere.  Meanwhile, Richard is saying...no, thats not right, he is now bellowing, "MY CUP"  thanks domer.  we keep searching, the search has become frantic...pillows flying, blankets landing on Chance's head...toys are dominating the floor even more as we tear the house apart looking.  Then Mandy picks up one of their toys and we hear a rattle inside.  It's a lunch pail type toy with a farm house painted on the oustide.  Domer calls it his treasure chest...sure enough, Richard's cup is inside.  As Mandy says, "I found it, it was in Dom's treasure chest, we walk back in to Dom laughing, "I hide it.  hahaha."

Nice, you hid it, then became 'concerned' that Richard didn't have his cup and sent us looking...just so he could get his laugh on...

...sounds like something i would've done :)

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advent is here

this is the first moment in a week where life is calm...the boys are sleeping, Mandy's at target, and i'm trying to figure out how/what i'm going to preach on sunday. on this black friday where the anticipation circles around whether or not you'll get one of the $179 HP laptops at Best Buy...i'm left wondering how to share in the excitement of the anticipation of the coming Christ-child and His return.

for months, mandy and i anticipated the day the adoption would take place, i never dreamed it would happen this fast. our adoption worker said she's never seen it happen this fast in ten years...nor did i dream we'd be blessed with such perfect boys. you wait and wait and wait and hope and hope and hope...and nothing we can dream of could produce the reality of what God has in store...

maranatha...

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