"Nick, is it still cool if me and the kids come?"
"Absolutely brother, come on down."
"Ok, thanks."
He'd been telling me for months that he was going to come. Saying he needed it, it would be good for the kids, he needed it. In one week his life had flown into a whirl-wind. His grandpa...the one who basically raised him, the one who let him, his wife and his kids live with him for such a long time, the one he looked to the most had died. i was there the night before his grandpa died. i could see the pain on his face, the pleading eyes for some sign that his grandpa could hear him. i could see in his eyes as I shared of the hope we possess something that begged to know the truth of that, to know in the midst of this pain and uncertainty that this isn't it...
...same week...
she just didn't love him anymore. At least that is what she told him. she's leaving. and here he stands, 25 years old, 3 kids, 2 by his wife and one his wife had before him...and somehow, some way he needs to hold it together. he didn't want his kids to see him like this, hed tell me as we stood in my front yard, his 200+ body crumbling as i hugged him.
so when he came, when he finally came over to share a burger and a Word...i was hopeful for a moment that we could provide a space in our backyard that was holy, that was peaceful...that was what he needed. a space where healing could begin. his kids played and ate. he relaxed, ate and laughed. and as the kids sat and listened to a story he sat with my wife, and she did what she does, gave him that space. he opened up to her and as the story wrapped up, he hurried to the side yard so his kids couldn't see his vulnerability, his fragility. we sent the kiddos inside to Find Nemo, and we settled into a study of the Holy Spirit. and again, the space was made...as we came to a close he opened up to all of us around that table and broke down, cried...done something he knew he needed to do, but didn't know who to tell. we listened, we offered words of sympathy and empathy, words of hope and of promises uttered by One greater than us. we prayed.
he left that night with his kids to see the Starlight parade, and when he didn't thankfulness was written all over his face. clearly the journey is not over, but it was clear he was thankful to know he didn't have to go it alone...
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
6.05.2012
5.31.2012
i'm that guy
as i was scrolling through my facebook news feed...because you know, thats where you find real news...
...i came across a post by Eric Mason in which he shared an article about the state of pastors in our country. eric shared it and then said, 'pastors, don't be a statistic' or something like that. the statistics were staggering. statistics that included pastors who engaged in extra-marital activity, pastors who didnt pray, pastors who only read scripture when they are prepping for sermons/lessons. as the percentages went up and up, i found myself shaking my head at how our pastors end up in this mess...
...and then i shook my head at my own conviction. a song that has consistently challenged me speaks directly to a tendency of mine to spend more time serving God than knowing God (shane and shane - received). it hurts to know that those statistics hit so close to home and burned deep into my heart. for four years, especially for the last one, i've been seeking to know exactly what and how God would have me serve him, what and how God would have me proclaim his name; and now any attempt to pray, to pray in such a way that i just draw near to God, for no other reason than to be near my Creator...results in my asking for the what and the how. (not those are bad prayers). but if you take away those things, if i was stripped of them today, i would definitely be at a loss because my identity has become so wrapped up in them, and not in my creator.
so, here is where i seek a bit of accountability...yeah, i know, internet accountability pleas are dis-ingenuous at best because of the lack of skin on factor...but still, most of you who read this have my phone number. so, here is what i'm asking; call me, text me something to remind me to put my pursuit of Jesus and His kingdom ahead of my being used for Jesus and His kingdom. and not just today, do it for a while, do it forever...be that part of the church that encourages this pastor to pursue Jesus, and nothing more.
...i came across a post by Eric Mason in which he shared an article about the state of pastors in our country. eric shared it and then said, 'pastors, don't be a statistic' or something like that. the statistics were staggering. statistics that included pastors who engaged in extra-marital activity, pastors who didnt pray, pastors who only read scripture when they are prepping for sermons/lessons. as the percentages went up and up, i found myself shaking my head at how our pastors end up in this mess...
...and then i shook my head at my own conviction. a song that has consistently challenged me speaks directly to a tendency of mine to spend more time serving God than knowing God (shane and shane - received). it hurts to know that those statistics hit so close to home and burned deep into my heart. for four years, especially for the last one, i've been seeking to know exactly what and how God would have me serve him, what and how God would have me proclaim his name; and now any attempt to pray, to pray in such a way that i just draw near to God, for no other reason than to be near my Creator...results in my asking for the what and the how. (not those are bad prayers). but if you take away those things, if i was stripped of them today, i would definitely be at a loss because my identity has become so wrapped up in them, and not in my creator.
so, here is where i seek a bit of accountability...yeah, i know, internet accountability pleas are dis-ingenuous at best because of the lack of skin on factor...but still, most of you who read this have my phone number. so, here is what i'm asking; call me, text me something to remind me to put my pursuit of Jesus and His kingdom ahead of my being used for Jesus and His kingdom. and not just today, do it for a while, do it forever...be that part of the church that encourages this pastor to pursue Jesus, and nothing more.
4.10.2011
time to die. its inevitable. death is one of life's few constants, few guarantees. we fight it though...with every ounce of our beings, we don't like death, it scares us. its the great unknown.
i'm not a fan of death...i mean, who is? i don't like goodbyes. i remember the last time i spoke with my Aunt Judy. she was very quiet as my mom and grandma held the phone by her ear. i had trouble hearing her. i can't remember all i said, told her i loved her, would cheer the Steelers louder for her, would stay as close to my cuz as i could (miss you cuzzo). i knew it was the last time, and i hated it. but at the same time...there's this thing called resurrection...
we experience death, easily, on a weekly basis. and sometimes, we need to experience death, because before we can experience resurrection, death has to happen. sometimes relationships need to die, in order that new life might be breathed into them. sometimes attitudes need to die, that new dispositions can be born. sometimes egos need to die, that humility might be born.
sometimes death NEEDS to happen, so that we might experience resurrection...that we might experience the Resurrection. doesn't make it easy...but its worth it...
12.09.2009
daddy's right here
'our friend is here. she came to see all of us. but we're not leaving. mommy and daddy are staying. daddy is going to be with you and you are going to stay with daddy. you're not going anywhere. daddy is right here.'
this is the prep we give to our kids whenever we have visitors come by. i get to about eye level, get real close, grab a hand and begin to speak. he'll make eye contact, listen intently, and sometimes he'll become fixated on a task so as to focus his energy, fear, whatever it may be...sometimes freedom comes. he is free to live, free to laugh and play and show off. its amazing the difference between then and when the reassurance isn't there.
i must say i am blown away at the difference in me when i don't allow my Father's reassurance to be present in my heart and life. things get busy, i don't stay close...maybe i try to go with those 'friends'...and because i've done my own thing, my own way and tried to find my own path on this adventure, i forget, i forget that my Father is present; always, by my side, doing all that is possible to assure me that i can be free, free to live, to laugh and love and play and maybe even show off a bit. what kills me is when i 'try to get back' to the Almighty's side, i feel like i somehow have to earn my adoption rights; as if i had earned them in the first place, or as if it has anything to do with me. i'm so thankful for a God that is present....
...boys, you never, ever have to earn your adoption rights, nothing you can do will ever, EEEEVER take my heart away from you, i am here, i always will be, no matter where you go, what you do, how high you climb, i will be here with you.
this is the prep we give to our kids whenever we have visitors come by. i get to about eye level, get real close, grab a hand and begin to speak. he'll make eye contact, listen intently, and sometimes he'll become fixated on a task so as to focus his energy, fear, whatever it may be...sometimes freedom comes. he is free to live, free to laugh and play and show off. its amazing the difference between then and when the reassurance isn't there.i must say i am blown away at the difference in me when i don't allow my Father's reassurance to be present in my heart and life. things get busy, i don't stay close...maybe i try to go with those 'friends'...and because i've done my own thing, my own way and tried to find my own path on this adventure, i forget, i forget that my Father is present; always, by my side, doing all that is possible to assure me that i can be free, free to live, to laugh and love and play and maybe even show off a bit. what kills me is when i 'try to get back' to the Almighty's side, i feel like i somehow have to earn my adoption rights; as if i had earned them in the first place, or as if it has anything to do with me. i'm so thankful for a God that is present....
...boys, you never, ever have to earn your adoption rights, nothing you can do will ever, EEEEVER take my heart away from you, i am here, i always will be, no matter where you go, what you do, how high you climb, i will be here with you.
11.08.2009
embrace the mystery
i'm a math geek. its what i loved in high school and through most of college...until we started talkin 4th dimensions in Modern Algebra...sorry Dr. Constantine. but i loved math because there was a system to it, a system that produced specific results. 2+2=4 always. to find the derivative of x^n all you have to do is make it n*x^(n-1). always, the system always worked. i realized this morning that in some ways i'm still searching for God's system. the system that is going to produce in me the desired result of being nearer to God and more like the Son. i have to pray the right prayers in the right order, and read the right amount of scriptures and desert fathers...
i've had about 3 different prayers or passages of scriptures that i've tried to make my initiative in prayer from Thomas a' Kempis, Philippians, Mother Theresea, this morning i found @twitturgies on Twitter and said, here's my new one...
there's just one problem. God doesn't have a system...God is love, God asks for love and there is definitely, DEFINITELY no system to love...and if there is, Mandy will agree that I haven't figured that system out yet. God is mystery, and mysteries are most definitely not a system...there is a dynamic beauty and fluidity to God that cannot be described by a system of prayers or study...no relationship can. sure there are helps...but the very intent of embracing a system to God inevitably results in a system that will either fail or replace God...there has to come a point where we can embrace the mystery of a God that would seek to be healer in our brokenness by entering into our brokenness; not just fixing it. there is mystery in a God that is one and three and one and three. rather than seeking to solve the mystery, lets wish to become a part of the mystery..how i desire to get lost in that mystery
maybe that's why i hit the wall in Modern Algebra, i couldn't embrace the mystery...
i've had about 3 different prayers or passages of scriptures that i've tried to make my initiative in prayer from Thomas a' Kempis, Philippians, Mother Theresea, this morning i found @twitturgies on Twitter and said, here's my new one...
there's just one problem. God doesn't have a system...God is love, God asks for love and there is definitely, DEFINITELY no system to love...and if there is, Mandy will agree that I haven't figured that system out yet. God is mystery, and mysteries are most definitely not a system...there is a dynamic beauty and fluidity to God that cannot be described by a system of prayers or study...no relationship can. sure there are helps...but the very intent of embracing a system to God inevitably results in a system that will either fail or replace God...there has to come a point where we can embrace the mystery of a God that would seek to be healer in our brokenness by entering into our brokenness; not just fixing it. there is mystery in a God that is one and three and one and three. rather than seeking to solve the mystery, lets wish to become a part of the mystery..how i desire to get lost in that mystery
maybe that's why i hit the wall in Modern Algebra, i couldn't embrace the mystery...