True Song

I sat there in the front pew on Friday morning; i was the only one in the church so I went ahead and wailed away on the guitar and sang.  After playing a few songs I go back to one of the first songs I learned.  April Showers by Caedmon's Call.  Why'd I learn that one?  Well, it had a tab and chords which involved picking and strumming and if I could play that song, well then people would be impressed because I could do both in one song.  As I played that song, those same thoughts re-entered my mind as I wondered if anyone would come in the church, hear me play and be impressed...

...yes, i crave praise like that...

...and that's when I heard it.  Not an audible voice, but this whisper that said.  You can't play the guitar.  Oh,
you can fake it, and you've figured out some of the tricks to play the right chords and such with some fancy palm muting and whatnot...but you really can't play the guitar.  You don't know any kind of music theory or anything and if, IF a jam session were to erupt and you were called on to play from within...you'd be without.

And as quickly as my guitar skills were humbled, so was my faith...and you better not let your faith become that either.  If you think an ability to play the 'right chords' to make the 'right sound' is music to My ears...then you don't know my song very well.

 - Do I have your heart?

I sat quiet.  humbled.  ashamed....

 - Well, do I?  Do I have your heart?

Oh, how I want You to!  Lord, I want you to take my heart!

 - That's not how this goes.  I'm not taking it.  You know that.  Do I have your heart?

Lord Jesus, yes, please!  Take it, take it, take it...

 - Would you let it go?  Do you trust me?  Do you trust me to teach you how to play my song?

Oh, to play the song of the Most High.  That the life and breath of God would flow through me as melody and harmony in perfect sync drawing all hearts to Him.  Do we do what we have to do to look like we think we should...or does He have our heart?

Here's my heart.  Make it yours.

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so we headed out to Costco.  it was pouring here, the temperature had dropped and it felt like we were deep into our Portland fall. cold and rainy.  everyone was in a good mood, the boys sang almost the whole way there...well, Dom sang.  Eli had dropped his toy and i was able to reach back and grab it. Mandy asked Eli if I was his hero and Eli said yes.  Soon Dom said, 'He's my hero too!!'  Then he broke out into song, 'Heroes, heroes, heroes, they are brave.  Heroes, heroes, heroes, they are brave. Heroes, heroes, heroes, they are brave.  Heroes, heroes, heroes, they are brave.'  After about 5 minutes of that, Eli asked Dom if the song was over.  Dom's response...'Heroes, heroes, heroes, they are brave.  Heroes, heroes, heroes, they are brave....'

i love my kids. they are getting so big, becoming sponges too...Dom is constantly asking about the meaning of words and phrases.  its wonderful.

so, back to Costco.  i'm driving around the parking lot (not fun at 5:30 on a Friday night) and i'm lucky enough to find someone about to pull out from the second spot to the front.  with 2 toddlers and one infant...its nice to be able to get out of the rain and have less puddles to drag the boys away from.  so i stop, put my clicker on and wait for the person to pull out.

and thats when it happens, some 50 something dude stops watches the person pull out, sees me there, and zips his lil beat up station wagon right into the spot.  as the boys would say, this is when mean Daddy came out.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"  I pull up behind his car, stop mine...roll down Mandy's window (to her horror) and I wait.  the dude just sits in the car, probably terrified...i think; at least part of me hoped so.

Mandy looks at me and says, 'Set a good example right now.'  I don't budge.  'What are you going to say to him?' she asks.

"I'm going to tell him what a jerk he is!"  I declare.

"Haha...you're going to tewll him what a jewrk he is." Eli cackles.

i hang my head and pull off...still steaming a bit...but also in shame.

what a monumental task we have as parents.  the fact that these two are watching my every move is a bit scary.  what'd Uncle Ben say to Spiderman, 'With great power comes great responsibility'. yeah, not one of my finer moments as a dad.

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A better pacifist....

Just read an article, a speech really, given as a commencement address at Goshen College in 1992. I'm challenged by the speaker/author's description of pacifism in the speech. He, rightly I think, removes pacifism from being pigeon-holed to a discussion on physical violence/war and makes it broader. His description encompasses that, but includes a lifestyle, an ethic built around reconciliation and forgiveness. This too, is what it means to be a pacifist...how we relate to others on a practical, daily level.

- Do we do violence to someone with how we describe them to others?
- Do we do violence to someone when we hold grudges or withhold forgiveness out of anger?
- Do we do violence to someone with how we treat them?

While this might seem common sense to some, I find myself examining my life and finding examples of great violence on how I've acted and behaved. A lifestyle of reconciliation has not matched what I have inked on my back.

Ther great challenge of the speech is that it not only spurs on reflection...but almost necessitates some kind of action, confession. This is where the perverbial rubber meets the road. Its easy to be a pacifist when my description includes only a refusal to kill/maim another...i dont have many opportunities to even do that. Its a different situation all together when it involves the way in which I live my discipleship out within the diversity of relationships I have been placed in.

I've got some great brothers and sisters who are probably better, fuller pacifists than I. I would love to hear your reflections.

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Just do it

My son has entered that phase...the one all parents eagerly await., It's the one that is spearheaded by a curiosity of the world as well as a realization of an independent will; and is fueled by one three letter word...why?  With Dom it is really, 'But, but why?'

Dom, you need to pick up your toys.
But, but why?

Dom, don't hit the dog with your toys.
But, but why?

Dom, you need to put your big boy pants on before you leave the bathroom.
But why Dad?

And its only a matter of time until his curious independence wears me out and I say, 'Just do it.'  A lecture on the etiquette of nakedness while friends are over just seems out of place.

As I read of Christ's temptation this morning and the subsequent devotional from Ashes to Fire, I was held captive by Christ's unwavering full on obedience to the Father.  There were no 'why's', no 'what will happen'.  Just obedience.   His obedience came from his complete oneness and trust in the Father. Of course, Christ knew his journey and ours, well, ours to a degree remains a mystery...but there are some things we can know...

Obedience means we give up our independence, our wills, our desire to have it my way, right away. Obedience means we probably will have to give up our rights. Like Peter, we will be called to be led by someone else...someone greater.

Obedience means we gain intimacy.  None could argue that the intimacy Jesus experienced with the Father is unrivaled.  A quick look at Christ's life reveals how in-step Jesus was with the Father.  This is a 'reward', a result of obedience.

When I tell Dom, 'Just do it'.  I've reached my end, what I'm demanding from Dom, is not just obedience, by compliance. God asks us for our trust, our faith, which allows us to follow the way of Jesus because we know God's got this.  Because our faith and trust in God is fueled by the love of Christ.  god is not one who will say 'Just do it', that's not his nature, but I pray to be like the apostle Paul who wrote, 'the love of Christ compels us...so that they who live might no longer life for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.' (2.Cor 5.14-15)  I pray to have the obedience of Jesus.

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not about rob bell

Rob Bell. Rob Bell. Rob Bell.   there, i've mentioned rob bell in my blog.  i don't need to add my voice to the many that are chattering about this book he's written, which none of them, nor anyone for that matter, has read yet.  there are many who's sentiments i pretty much agree with, so i'll send you to their pages. his and his and hers.

anyway, what i really jabber about is what lies ahead.  next week is ash wednesday.  our little cohort of disciples is looking forward to going through a journey from ashes to fire, a devotional journey published by Beacon Hill Press.  check it out.  we are really looking forward to this journey.  in preparation for next weeks ash wednesday reflections, i'm thinking about how much i need the cross.  i'm a man, a flawed, issue-plagued, mess of a man. (just ask Mandy, although, she might tell you i'm not).  i cannot even begin to express my need and thankfulness for the cross.  i am but dust; to dust i will return.  i hope and pray this realization does not manage to vacate my mind after this 'season' is over.  this season calls for humility, to truly participate within this part of the church year, we have to approach it with a humble spirit.  we aren't God.  we need God.  we aren't our own Savior.  we need a Savior.  i'm thankful that the next few weeks as we journey towards the cross...its a journey our Lord took already, its a journey that if we open our hearts to it, that he will walk with us on.

but i hope that when this 'journey' ends; i don't close the book on that spirit.  that spirit that tells me i need the Gospel everyday, in every moment.  so that in every conversation, i might be filled with charity and grace that comes from the Holy Spirit.www.ashestofire.com

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the words of my mouth

"...and the tongue is a fire..." - james 3.6

we know this.  don't we?  we know our tongues, our mouths, the words that come from our mouth...that come from our heart and mind are ridiculously powerful.  we've all seen after-school specials, sitcoms, and shows like Glee that take a moment and get serious so they can teach us about bullying, and the power words can have to break people's spirits.  in seminary i learned a bit about Wittgenstein and his 'language games'.  the things that come out of peoples' mouths can illuminate who they really are, especially in moments of crisis.  the words we say are packed with power.  they can build up, encourage, strengthen, affirm, restore...they can destroy, break down, crack, hurt, harm...

in reading the first part of this section of James...verses 1-5...i'm struck with not how words can harm, hurt or encourage those outside of us, but how those words, how those things we say can harm, hurt, or encourage ourselves.  things that we say, either out loud, or in the confines of our own minds can shape the way we think, the way we act, the way we relate to others, the way we relate to Christ.

i'm not a big 'just think positive' person...not all that sure the 'name it and claim it' message has any standing in the scriptures...but i wonder how much our thoughts and words really can affect ourselves.  the words we speak out loud, or in our thoughts, can really affect our actions.  if the things we say to ourselves, or about ourselves convince ourselves we aren't lovable or good enough...we'll begin to with hold our true selves from others and thus prevent ourselves from ever experiencing true community.  if the words we speak or think create a sense that we are destined to failure...the idea of stepping out on faith becomes far too risky and prevent ourselves from ever experiencing a deep relationship with Christ.  if the words we speak or think tell us we are the problem in all our relationships...well, we won't have any to screw up, cause we won't enter into any.

most who know me, know i spend most moments that i am alone with an overactive, over analytical mind.  while it does have its positive side, it seems as if the negative side of all that prevails more often than not.  i'm going to make a concerted effort over the next few days to ensure that the 'positive' side spends more time 'naming and claiming' only the promises found in scripture...

James is a beast at reminding us that God should be at work within those who follow Jesus, transforming us more and more into his likeness, into true disciples of Jesus.  so, this is my prayer, that the Lord would transform my tongue, completely...not just the words spoken out loud but words spoken within...

...so also, the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things...(ja3.5)
...may the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You oh Lord (ps19.14)

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harlot for a trend

readin through the first part of Jeremiah and i find myself wishing i had picked a different book to start readin through...

the accusations against Israel are harsh...'for on every high hill and under every green tree you have lain down as a harlot'.  preach on that, i dare ya.  i read it and i hear the indictments that YHWH passes down on Israel and i wonder what hills and trees have been my chosen place to lay down...football was a definite hill at one point, but i feel like these days sometimes that hill is the latest trend, or latest trend that says its against trends but within a matter of weeks, months it becomes the trend so now i am not about that trend but am now about the next non-trend trend.  i become wrapped up in non-essentials that slowly draw me away from Christ...even within Christendom, we do this, we find the cool thing, be it missional, emergent, non-denominational, traditions, rediscovering ancients rituals...these begin to become something we would die for when the only thing we should die for is the Christ who died for us.

sorry, again its a bit ranty...but seriously, i want to not act compassionately because thats the cool thing, but to truly be compassionate...i want to not do it differently because it makes me look good, but because God would have it be different...i want to not be wrapped up in actions and appearances, but be wrapped up in Christ...

...on a sporty note, 4 on 4 overtime hockey in the Olympics was incredible...NHL take note.  even with the Canadians winning, that was great hockey...plus sid the kid scored the game winner, so, yeah, Go Pens.  and i think eli is ready to play hockey or the ufc...kids got a chin, he head-butted mandy's knee and laughed...crazy

may the God who saves us be the God over our everyday, every moment, and every breath.

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