i'm that guy

as i was scrolling through my facebook news feed...because you know, thats where you find real news...

...i came across a post by Eric Mason in which he shared an article about the state of pastors in our country. eric shared it and then said, 'pastors, don't be a statistic' or something like that. the statistics were staggering. statistics that included pastors who engaged in extra-marital activity, pastors who didnt pray, pastors who only read scripture when they are prepping for sermons/lessons. as the percentages went up and up, i found myself shaking my head at how our pastors end up in this mess...

...and then i shook my head at my own conviction. a song that has consistently challenged me speaks directly to a tendency of mine to spend more time serving God than knowing God (shane and shane - received). it hurts to know that those statistics hit so close to home and burned deep into my heart. for four years, especially for the last one, i've been seeking to know exactly what and how God would have me serve him, what and how God would have me proclaim his name; and now any attempt to pray, to pray in such a way that i just draw near to God, for no other reason than to be near my Creator...results in my asking for the what and the how. (not those are bad prayers). but if you take away those things, if i was stripped of them today, i would definitely be at a loss because my identity has become so wrapped up in them, and not in my creator.

so, here is where i seek a bit of accountability...yeah, i know, internet accountability pleas are dis-ingenuous at best because of the lack of skin on factor...but still, most of you who read this have my phone number. so, here is what i'm asking; call me, text me something to remind me to put my pursuit of Jesus and His kingdom ahead of my being used for Jesus and His kingdom. and not just today, do it for a while, do it forever...be that part of the church that encourages this pastor to pursue Jesus, and nothing more.

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identity

the enemy is tricky. the way he is able to hold people captive is awful. my heart hurts when i see people bound by things outside of them, as well as inside of them. yesterday when Mandy was at the hospital, I took the boys to a near by park to kill time until we were able to join her for a tour of the maternity ward. it was a nice little park, swing sets, see-saws, climbing structures, slides...plus there was a basketball hoop, a pavilion and tons of open space. i even ran into a friend down there.

in the 45 minutes we were there, i definitely witnessed two drug deals, and may have witnessed a few more. you could see it coming...the buyer acting shifty, scratching their arms; clearly looking for a fix. the dealer waiting, almost playing with the addict, the captive one. they would then begin haggling over something until the price the dealer is seeking gets met. the addict walks away with their fix, knowing they are about to get a moment of freedom for the itch...only to have it return later. and the dealer leaves, feeling a bit victorious and attempting to absolve himself of feeding someone else's addiction...

as i sat there with my two sons everything in me wanted to run over there and tell the addict...you don't have to, you don't need this, you can fight it, we get find a way to help you fight it!

it brought me back to something i've been sitting on for about a week. its a touchy thing really, it affects so many of us. please add your thoughts, comments, critiques.

there are so many people like this addict who have become bound, who have become victims of

something outside of them. be it a drug, alcohol, violence done to them; physical and emotional. yes, some start themselves on their path of becoming a victim...but most are victimized...

i've met many people in my life who are victims of the people around them. they've been abandoned, beaten, raped, hated, slandered, lied to, set-up, drugged...the list could continue. my heart hurts at the thought of the people who's faces enter my mind just as i type each word. we have all been victims of the evil in this world in some way or another...be it relational or systemic.

the worst part of it all for me is when i watch people stay victims. they re-live their victimization, they stay there...they identify themselves as victims and with their victimization. they can't imagine their lives without that, and thus they make it their all-consuming identity. how they relate to the world around them is completely based on their identity as victim of ______.

before i write more, hear me out...I am not saying 'Get over it'. i don't want to be insensitive to the hurt and pain anyone has endured on any level, at any time. if you were a victim of anyone; know this, it is awful, no one can know what you've experienced, i wish it had never happened. it makes my heart hurt, it makes God's heart hurt. nor am i saying, forget about it, pretend it never happened. its a part of your story, but it doesn't have to be the whole story....

please though, please don't allow it to consume you. one of the trickiest traps the enemy has is to find a way to keep us a victim, keep us in our brokenness and pain, of having the pain and the action consume us to a point where God cannot even redeem the pain because we can't even imagine our lives without it!

there is another reason the enemy seeks to keep us as victims...we see victims as innocents. victims did not do anything to merit what was done to them. and if we remain in that victim state, if we allow ourselves to remain as victims; we begin to see ourselves as innocents and that begins to pervade every area of our lives until we begin to think we can't be in the wrong; because we are the victim...'this happened, that's why i'm this way and its ok because this happened"... we absolve ourselves of responsibility, we rob ourselves of transformation, we prevent God from being able to take those broken pieces of glass and transform them into something beautiful, something that shows the power a loving God has over the sin and evil in this world.

the enemy definitely doesn't want that. so he whispers, 'its ok, you're a victim, its not your fault. you're stuck in this now, you can't make it past this. besides, you're broken, you're a victim, what can you do anyway...'

but God is a liberating God. God is a transforming God. God proclaims freedom for the captives, liberation for the oppressed. God is who enables us to break away from an identity wrapped up in our victimization, and into an identity as the children of God. let that be what defines you. believe that today you can say, 'i was a victim. now i'm a child of God and victor in Christ.'

church, we must walk with the victims in our lives. its a hard thing, we don't like to enter into suffering, we try to avoid suffering at all costs. but church, if we are going to be like Christ...we must enter into the suffering that surrounds us, we must suffer with those in pain; that they might know they are not alone. we must be incarnational.

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who am i?

so we are getting to launch into a series on our identity as to our relation to the Creator. i'm excited...not just cause i've spent the last couple months listening to Eric Mason our at Epiphany Fellowship preaching on our identity, but because of how God is shaping my own identity. the more i become aware of who i am in Christ, the freer i become. i am free to relate to others, irregardless of their interpretations of me, i am freer to pursue idees, irregardless of whether or not they will become successful ideas. i am freer to be me. the best part is, i keep learning about me...

...sometimes its a hard learning process. i learn about good things, but it seems more often than not, i learn about those things i wish weren't a part of me. and while that can be painful, i'm thankful that i can become aware of them, and thus begin to deal with them.

i chatted with Tony Kriz this past week and he shared about this community of men he is a part of and how the more time he has spent in that group, the more he realizes he doesn't know about himself...and thus the more he learns about himself, make sense?

anyway, not sure how connected these thoughts are, but i'm going to spend the next few weeks trying to post here regularly as we embark on this journey through our identity...it won't be exhaustive, i'm not even close to that knowledgeable, but feel free to follow along.

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