Familiar place

Its that old familiar place.  I've run hard,  done as much as my body, mind and heart can handle without causing me to flat out fall apart.  So I'm back in this place of just resting within the presence of the Creator and perfector. 

And I'm at peace.  No guilt at not doing it more often, no shame in my exhaustion, but thankful for the opportunities to have been used for Divine glory.  Of course, my imperfections and sin rear their heads and cry out how unworthy I am to enter into the presence of the King, but just as quickly Christ comforts and covers me in his grace and blood setting me free. 

Thankful for the ways Jesus will continue to dwell within, perfecting me and carrying me thru being used and keeping me focused while I run.  I keep saying that November is coming and rest will happen then.  Truth be told, rest will happen as I abide in Him.  So, while I run...I will abide.

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breathe

this is the hardest.  no, not the down in the dumps, world is crashing around me feeling.  that emotion actually keep me moving and reminds me i'm living.  its that feeling of silence all around, that feeling of, i know You're there but i can't feel you or hear you.  i sometimes think it's some cosmic game of hard-to-get.  how long will i wait?  how hard will I seek?  or maybe, just maybe, how long until i just sit?

maybe the silence serves no other purpose than to teach me to breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out.  and that is in those breaths that a touch of the divine reminds me of the Breath that gives me life. maybe the silence is a reminder emotion is a trickster, and to live with a quiet heart and mind is a gift and a blessing.  maybe the silence is a reminder that God's presence and moving has nothing to do with how hard i work or how happy i am or how hurt i am.  God's presence is because God is God.

the silence teaches me that.

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daddy's right here

'our friend is here.  she came to see all of us.  but we're not leaving.  mommy and daddy are staying.  daddy is going to be with you and you are going to stay with daddy. you're not going anywhere.  daddy is right here.'

this is the prep we give to our kids whenever we have visitors come by.  i get to about eye level, get real close, grab a hand and begin to speak.  he'll make eye contact, listen intently, and sometimes he'll become fixated on a task so as to focus his energy, fear, whatever it may be...sometimes freedom comes.  he is free to live, free to laugh and play and show off.  its amazing the difference between then and when the reassurance isn't there.

i must say i am blown away at the difference in me when i don't allow my Father's reassurance to be present in my heart and life.  things get busy, i don't stay close...maybe i try to go with those 'friends'...and because i've done my own thing, my own way and tried to find my own path on this adventure, i forget, i forget that my Father is present; always, by my side, doing all that is possible to assure me that i can be free, free to live, to laugh and love and play and maybe even show off a bit.  what kills me is when i 'try to get back' to the Almighty's side, i feel like i somehow have to earn my adoption rights; as if i had earned them in the first place, or as if it has anything to do with me.  i'm so thankful for a God that is present....

...boys, you never, ever have to earn your adoption rights, nothing you can do will ever, EEEEVER take my heart away from you, i am here, i always will be, no matter where you go, what you do, how high you climb, i will be here with you.

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