summer is coming

As the summer draws near I am anticipating a few things...
- a sprinkler soaked back yard. The boys have been asking since that one sunny day back in February.
- a wonderfully earned farmer's tan.
- lots more trash to pick up
- the smell of the grill permanently coating my back yard, and maybe my skin...
- camping; maybe

But of the things anticipated every summer, there is one that i wished would never come. Summer violence.

We've been talking about it since Spring Break. The anticipation of bored, out of school, outside youth...and by youth I mean ages 10-25...with nothing better to do that mess around and care deeply about things that don't really matter. Which inevitably leads to someone pushing someone, which turns into fists raised and sometimes someone reaches the level of needing to 'prove' something and out comes the heat (gun).
We've already heard of rallys and demonstrations being planned to stand for peace and stop the violence; we are probably going to be a part of one in New Columbia ourselves.
But here's the thing...and I'm thinking out loud here, which I'm not a huge fan of; I mean seriously, I have such a hard time knowing if I'm supposed to engage or just keep my mouth shut. Please feel free to engage...anyway, here's the thing....

I wonder how effective those events actually are? Hear me out....

1) They aren't enough.
They are a great rallying point for the community, a place we can gather together and say we don't want anymore young men dying. But if all we do is rally and yell for a few hours and the go back home to life as usual, what have we done? It's like speaking for justice on Facebook and Twitter, and if after you hit send, your life doesn't change, what have you really done? Getting together at the beginning of the summer of after someone is shot is just not enough...
2. They aren't there.
Who comes to these events? Gang Members? Doubtful, cops are usually there. Drug Dealers? See above. Of those in attendence, I'm willing to wager that 99% of those there are not directly involved in any kind of gang-related violence. So, who's minds are we changing? Anyone's? Or are we really just preaching to the choir? Again, we need encouraged to continue to stand for peace, we need those rallying moments, but if those in attendance are not committing violent acts...has the event actually decreased the likelihood of violence?

Alright, on to my proposal...what if 'peace', these specific expressions of 'peace' aren't actually the anti-thesis to the expressions of violence? what if its play? what if the thing that is the anti-thesis of violence is peace being expressed through play? and play that not only is safe for those who don't commit violence but actually include and invite those who are committing those acts of violence to lay down their guns and join in on the fun. this is how we see change, this is how things begin to become transofrmed...when we find ways to stand with, and invite them into relationships that disarm those things that divide or incite anger or hatred.
those are my thoughts, stay tuned for more on this, but until then i'd love some feedback, some engaging, whats your thoughts?

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momma didn't say anything about this

what a week.  momma never, ever, ever told me there would be days like this.  ever.  i'm not sure my momma even knew days like this existed.  multiple shootings in a few days.  2 guys i know arrested.  as i sat across from a mentor/counselor today, seeking his prayers, counsel and encouragement, while sharing my last few days, his jaw began to drop...i don't think his momma ever said anything about days like this.

the range of emotions these last few days has been training.  thank the Lord that we had 'happened' to schedule a sabbath for me today.  i've been off thinking, sleeping, reading, and praying about the things that have happened.  i've rejoiced over guys who weren't involved and mourned a bit about those who were involved.  i've tried to be a voice of encouragement to those in our community and tried to be honest with my own fears and concerns.

here's what i know though....

1. we aren't leaving.  sorry mom.  this is our community, we won't be scared away from it.  we won't worry about what will happen to us because this is not all there is.  i know there is a kingdom that is here and that is coming that shows me this way of living is passing and a kingdom of love reigns.  we're not leaving because Jesus is a beast and he's King...'nuff said.

2.  i'm still not ok with this.  i'm still not ok with young men shooting each other.  i'm still not ok with kids being left without positive male mentors, without fathers.  i talked with a guy just 2 weeks ago about his needing to be around for his daughter because she needed her dad.  his eyes filled with tears as he shared with me that he never knew his father.  then just last week he was arrested.  fatherlessness can become a nasty cycle.  we need to see some of these young men re-fathered.  and we know just  Who can do it.

here's what i need from you.  check out the B. Moore Project web-site.  Give, help us paint a new picture of manhood, help us transform our community.  second, watch this video...Odd Thomas is a beast, lives in Portland...and we need to spread this message, that God replaces and heals all that we go through.  whether we are young men without fathers or young girls with abusive fathers...God takes care of that.

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to be known

there is freedom in being known. freedom in people knowing all your 'ish and all your good stuff. freedom in people knowing the 'ish, and sticking around. there is freedom in your 'ish not repelling a friendship or a relationship.

imagine the woman's confusion and wonder when He says, "it's true. you've had 5 husbands, and now you shackin up with a dude who isn't your husband". (NMP, nick mucci paraphrase). and yet, he doesn't leave, he doesn't judge, in fact, he continues to engage, continues to prod, continues to open the woman's eyes to who was in front of her in that moment. it was so freeing, that she leaves the water pot she had brought at noon to avoid the crowds, and returns to seek people out to share the good news...

"i've met someone who knows all about me, all my story...and could it be?!" i imagine her thinking, he knew my stuff and didn't judge, didn't cast aside, but continued to open my eyes to the greatness and goodness of this loving God...is this really who God is? is this the One?

we like to hide, we like to have parts of ourselves hidden. the thoughts we think when we are frustrated or alone or disappointed or angry. the fact we get disappointed or angry. the way we interact with our kids, our spouse, our co-workers...no one else needs to know about that. i'll keep that to myself...and thus we perpetuate the lie: that we are good or that no one will love us if they knew our 'ish.

i so desire for people (and for myself for that matter) to be able to fully trust in this unfathomable love of God, this crazy affection God has for us, no matter our sin, no matter how 'far gone' we think we are...this loving God desires community with us, and for us...

which leads me to a question...can we really claim we are 'in community' with others if we keep part of ourselves from them? thoughts?

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snowballs, snowmen, and community

so it snowed.  i have all kinds of comments but apparently my mocking has struck a nerve ;) anyway.  whenever it has snowed and i've then gone to work; i've expected something. i've expected every kid, who is loving their free day from school to take some of that snow, wad it up into a spherical shape and then see if they can hit my moving golf-cart ride.  so this time...this time, i prepared myself.  i made snowball after snowball while i waited for the compactor to finish its job.  I would head out armed and prepared...

the utter joy that ensued was wonderful.  i loved watching these kids light up when i not only didn't yell at them for hitting my cart, but got out of the cart wielding my own ammunition.  i spent half of the day smiling and laughing as kids would chase me and my cart around the property seeing if they could get me.  the kids made snowmen, big ones, small ones.  they made snowballs.

you know, that story, it will never make the news.  stories of kids of 4-5 different ethnicities and cultures building snowmen in the middle of our park won't make any of the news sites or news shows.  Because those stories are reserved for the nice neighborhoods.  Stories from our neighborhood are usually reserved for tragedies.  Yeah, i went there.  I celebrate our neighborhood, I celebrate the fact that kids all over New Columbia in North Portland, played, laughed and were united together in joy and peace...playing.  Something small, I know, but there was a common language today.  A language of fun, of seeing what could be made with snow, of laughter.  In a small way, this was a moment of community building if there ever was.  I wish I could have stopped working and gathered all the kids from all over the property for an epic snowball war right in the middle of McCoy Park.  It was wonderful watching them today.  There was no fear, no worry.  They had a blast...and you know what...so did i.

i love my neighborhood.

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perspective

It has been a week since my Steelers laid a stink bomb down in JerryWorld. Turnovers will kill ya...so will an offense designed to attack a weak secondary. Anyway, as the game ended the texts and facebook messages began to come in. my favorite had to be "sorry for your loss" as if someone close to me had passed on. Of course, the shrine I had created may have led to that...and ya know...a few years ago, that probably would have been appropriate, right Jeff?

Its amazing what two wonderful children and the news of a third on the way, plus being a part of a community who suffers together can provide perspectice. Game ends and diapers need changed, stories need read, stories need heard, prayers need prayed, hugs need to be shared...how thankful I am for perspective...

posted from Bloggeroid

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redemption power

Jesus is ridiculous.  He is, I'm sorry, but this is just insane.  The redeeming power of Christ is greater than ANYTHING.  Allow me to tell you a story of a relationship I've had with a woman in our neighborhood...we'll call her Mrs. Jones.  Single black woman, who adopted her grandson, who works at the local Elementary school.  She knows everyone, everyone knows her.  

ACT 1. May '09.

On one of my volunteering days at the elementary school, I entered to find all the volunteer tags were in use, so the secretaries, knowing me, said, just go ahead.  So I went up to the classroom and there was an assembly, so I began to walk the students down with their teacher who needed to step away so she asked me to take the kids down alone.  So we walked downstairs and I met Mrs. Jones.  "Who are you?  Where's your nametag?  I've never seen you before?  Are you supposed to be here?"  Now, I had all kinds of clever responses, especially since I had never seen her before either, but I bit my tongue, gave my answers and went on my way.  

ACT 2.  Sept '09.

Mandy and I were at the home of a Somali family we had connected with through Bridgetown Ministries, and I was out front while Mandy was inside talking with the mom, I was keeping their youngest two entertained.  Mrs. Jones lives 5 apartments down and went on a walk past the house, seeing me in the doorway, she says, "What are you doing here?  Are you bothering my friends?  Do I know you?"  Again, this time feeling more and more clever responses rising to the tip of my tongue, I answered them, she said, 'Uh huh'...and continued on her walk, and I hurried Mandy along so I could get away from this lady.

ACT 3.  Oct '09.

I work late in New Columbia, so I am the only grounds/maintenance guy there after dark.  And since there are lots of lights on this 82-acre property, I had to drive around one night after dark in one of our little carts and check to see if all the lights were working.  And here comes Mrs. Jones...not wanting to deal with anything I diverted eye contact.  "Who are you, the new New Columbia police or something?"  She says to me.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  I'm wearing the maintenance uniform?!  I know its dark, but COME ON!  Instead, I say, no, I'm on maintenance, explain my hours, my job, defend my right to be there and she says, 'Oh, ok, I'm Mrs. Jones.'  I say, "I know, we've met a few times."  ...mistake...  "Oh, yeah?!    That's right...I've seen you."  And next with the most sassy, inquisitor look she says, "You know, you are around kids an awful lot!"  WHAT...ARE YOU...SERIOUSLY... I couldn't take it, youv'e got to be kidding me, are you really insinuating?!  So I say, "Nice of you to assume the worst in a person."  "You've got to earn it honey."  She says.  Oh, I had a great litany of things to say, but went about my work, while she attempted to continue our conversation...I informed her I was a new pastor in the area to which she says, 'Doesn't mean anything.'  And now with much joy, I continued to finish out my night...

ACT 4. Feb '10.  

As I walked past Mrs. Jones place, she started to get out of her car and rather than being a jerk and ignoring the eye contact, I asked her how she was doing.  I wasn't quite ready for her response.  She began to vomit up her struggle with a neighbor and his distaste for the loudness at which the non-white kids played on the public playground in front of his home.  Not a lady to bite her tongue, at least in my experience, she began to go rounds with him.  I listened, stood quietly, told her then how unfair it was, how frustrating that must of been for her, I encouraged her sticking up for herself, her son, and what was right.  And for the first time, I left an interaction with her without smarthy comments whirling around in my head.

ACT 5. March '10

His name was Ernest...convicted felon, got fired from a job he had had for months because they decided to run his background check, and the past they didn't know was more powerful than the present they had come to know.  We chatted and I prayed with him and as we said Amen we hear...'I want in!'  Up walks Mrs. Jones.  A bit suprised, I ask her whats going on and she shares about her day.  She is on her way to court for her daughter who was in a bit of trouble.  I blogged about this before here, but the long and short of it is that I went back to her place later in the day and her daughter had received a much lighter sentence, and Mrs. Jones was SO grateful...even praising God for it.  Have I told you she's told me she's a buddhist?

ACT 6. April '10

"Good morning Mrs. Jones."  I say as I walk past her place.  "Lemme ask you something. You're a pastor, right?" Yup.  "You have like services and stuff?"  Yup  "So you can do like weddings and stuff?"  Yup  "So you are ordained?"  No, I'm licensed, but on my way to ordination.  "You do work with gangs?"  Not at this point, why?  "Well, my son," who was now standing next to her, "got jumped in last week.  And I told them boys to leave him alone that he wasn't going to do anything like that."  We chatted a bit more about that when she said, "Well, I'm just looking for some men in the neighborhood who have their heads on straight and who I can trust to help my son out.  So you keep that in the back of your head."  

Jesus, You are RIDICULOUS!!!  We continued chatting and I chatted with her son about playing catch sometime and both his eyes and her eyes lit up at that possibility.  Craziness.  Absolute craziness...

Needless to say, I'm looking forward to the continuation of this story....

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That's Six!

so our very first Manna Truck is next weekend! We are so very excited! We've spent the last month visiting families along with a sister church, getting information sent to Northwest Children's Outreach, collecting all kinds of hygiene and cleaning products...our garage has become quite the little convenience store :) Mandy took a group of 5 down to NCO to help gather the clothing for the families and they had an absolute blast this week!

Today we gathered at the old building (which might be sold, say a prayer) in order to sort everything. We got the names of the families put around the wall so we could get clothes sorted and bags for cleaning and hygiene together. I'll tell you what, there have been some times in the last few weeks we've wondered if we'd have enough...and there is only 6 families...the economy is killer. As we started getting things organized, I'd start to hear, "THAT'S SIX!" 6 containers of Comet, 6 containers of Windex, 6 roles of toilet paper, 6 sets of sponges...an abundance of toothbrushes and toothpaste. Thank you Jesus!

We know 6 isn't a lot, but right now, when money is tight for EVERYONE...six seems like a million. Praise God!

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mission

i'm at work....taking a re-charge break. i'm not recharging, the cart that hauls the dumpsters i empty is recharging, it can handle about 2 hrs of pulling these things around 82 acres, and then its just done.i love this job...some days its rather monotonous....but being able to interact with people who i'm so desperately trying to learn to love well is a joy. at some point, this job became mission. it wasn't work anymore, its become serving, its become loving...its mission. allow me to explain...yesterday i got stopped for the third time this week by Dominic. I got to know him in the last yr by volunteering at Rosa Parks and having a cool big dog. Dominic loves that Chance will sit when he tells him to. Dominic lives with his mom, brother, and i think his grandma. his pops isnt around, i believe he said he's in prison. Dominic sees me, waves, tells me what he's done so far that day, yesterday he showed me the CD that had his own beats on it, and then tells me he's gonna buy one of these golf carts that i drive when he gets old enough and has the money. sometimes he even asks why i would want to pick up everyone's trash (trust me pickin up diapers, beer cans, and 2,000 cigs is not my dream job). i tell him its cause i love this neighborhood and the people in it and its my way to show that. then he shrugs and says ok, see ya tomorrow and off he rides on his bike.the fact that he says see ya tomorrow brings me joy, he trusts i am going to be there, he trusts that i'll be back to continue to serve and love him and his neighborhood...thats why i am doing what im doing...its not a job, its mission......Lord, hear our prayer

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shambah bumblah...

been a few weeks since i last wrote words for people to read, all with the assumption people want to read what i write...i say that because now, everytime i get on here, or change my status on facebook i think of the new Sprint commercial where they list the number of people doing different things...

...one of those things is the number of people who just updated their twitter and they have all the birds chirping 'me, me, me, me'(35 seconds)...a nice quick social commentary that i got the drift on...of course, i think blogging, since its not an everyday thing for me anyway, is different then opening my mobile facebook on my phone just so i can type about how Evgeni Malkin is frustrating me at his timidness (third paragraph...i clicked here for the image, and the paragraph fit) and how Alexander Ovechkin's bad helmet club face (i miss ya dad) keeps appearing on my screen...

anyway, wanted to share a few things, this whole new start process is tough...we never know who's going to come to whatever we do, we never know who is going to follow through on meeting us for dinner, coffee, movie, or a non-alcoholic beer at a bar...well, i drink the NAs...its forever frustrating, i met with another guy who is going through the same process here and is experiencing the same frustrations.  both of us desperately are praying for me workers, we are praying for people who love God and desire to love people, Lord, hear our prayer...

...well, we've started having BBQs on Sundays and invite our entire phonebook/facebook/email contacts who live close, we've actually had a really good turnout, and have begun to see things take shape we desire to see happen.  we really desire to have those we've connected with, begin to connect with each other, we desire to see community be built...and daggone its happening, albeit at what feels like a snails pace, but its happening.  we are looking for get our garage finished so that we can have a larger meeting space for those wonderfully wet Portland nights...

...i believe God is faithful, i believe i need to be more faithful...i've begun to ask myself if my ability to see God's faithfulness is directly related to my ability to be faithful, these BBQs continue to be a product of prayer and pro-activeness, while some of our other things; that we desire but haven't earnestly, that i havent earnestly, EARNESTLY prayed for haven't come to fruition...

anyway, a whole lot of ranting about this, that and a whole lot of nothing :).  check out my facebook photo section for pics of the BBQs...hopefully we'll continue to remember to take the pictures...

...may Your Kingdom come...

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impending...

so, the economy is doin its thing...leavin pretty much no one untouched.  not too sure about politics/economics and whatever, i'm not sure how much the stimulus package will help...but anyway, we are faced with an interesting situation up here.  The Portland Police Dept. is contemplating closing the North Precinct...that's in my neighborhood.  This is after they cut the size of the precinct in the last year or so.  as i began contemplating what could be the consequences of this action (one which seems rather silly to me), I began to wonder what would happen to the fragile neighborhood I live in and near.  An area that is full of about every economic, social, and racial group.  An area that has sections going through gentrification, and some that probably never will...within a 2 minute drive of each other.  Portland's got quite the drug culture...i'm not talking about weed...that's just like cigarettes up here, I'm not even sure if the police care much about that...i'm talkin Meth and Crack...then I thought about the gang culture up here, its become far more organized and revolves more around drugs than anything else...i think...the power that drugs and the threat of violence can have is amazing on a community seeking to improve and survive...  

All these thoughts come shortly after reading an article about MLK's journey to learn from Ghandi's non-violent resistance.  As I began thinking about what a community can do to survive in the midst of a struggling economy, in the midst of a decreasing 'police presence', i began to wonder what it would be like if there existed a strength of community, where people could begin to police themselves in such a way, where non-violence was the standard, where hope was shared between neighbors, and we all sought to lift each other up.  would that type of community be what was effectively needed to squash violence being used as coercion? how can we begin to see that type of community be formed when we are still so much outsiders to our new home?  i haven't even come close to being in a situation yet where non-violence was a choice I was going to have to make...how can i get to the point to encourage others?

anyway, bunch of questions...not really seeking answers...just thinking out loud. strength of community...strength of community in Christ is what is going to get us through this...

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