just a space

"Nick, is it still cool if me and the kids come?"
"Absolutely brother, come on down."
"Ok, thanks."

He'd been telling me for months that he was going to come. Saying he needed it, it would be good for the kids, he needed it. In one week his life had flown into a whirl-wind. His grandpa...the one who basically raised him, the one who let him, his wife and his kids live with him for such a long time, the one he looked to the most had died. i was there the night before his grandpa died. i could see the pain on his face, the pleading eyes for some sign that his grandpa could hear him. i could see in his eyes as I shared of the hope we possess something that begged to know the truth of that, to know in the midst of this pain and uncertainty that this isn't it...

...same week...

she just didn't love him anymore. At least that is what she told him. she's leaving. and here he stands, 25 years old, 3 kids, 2 by his wife and one his wife had before him...and somehow, some way he needs to hold it together. he didn't want his kids to see him like this, hed tell me as we stood in my front yard, his 200+ body crumbling as i hugged him.

so when he came, when he finally came over to share a burger and a Word...i was hopeful for a moment that we could provide a space in our backyard that was holy, that was peaceful...that was what he needed. a space where healing could begin. his kids played and ate. he relaxed, ate and laughed. and as the kids sat and listened to a story he sat with my wife, and she did what she does, gave him that space. he opened up to her and as the story wrapped up, he hurried to the side yard so his kids couldn't see his vulnerability, his fragility. we sent the kiddos inside to Find Nemo, and we settled into a study of the Holy Spirit. and again, the space was made...as we came to a close he opened up to all of us around that table and broke down, cried...done something he knew he needed to do, but didn't know who to tell. we listened, we offered words of sympathy and empathy, words of hope and of promises uttered by One greater than us. we prayed.

he left that night with his kids to see the Starlight parade, and when he didn't thankfulness was written all over his face. clearly the journey is not over, but it was clear he was thankful to know he didn't have to go it alone...

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next steps...

state mandated trainin to be certified adoptive parent...done!  we are done, praise the Lord, I can't believe this is happening though :)  i'm gonna be a daddy...i could be a daddy of a 6 mo old, a daddy of a 2 yr old, or a daddy of a 6 year old sometime in the next 5-7 mos (i'm being optimistic)...

...insanity!  we've got a meeting next week, on Monday, with our adoption worker.  she comes recommended from good friends, so we are so excited that we get to work with her.  what a blessing it is going to be.  the next steps in the process are going to paced based (that rhymes), paced based on our ability to pay her fees...praise God its not nearly as high as in private agencies, but its still a fair amount.  (if you are interested in helpin us out, check out our adoption blog, click the image on the right over there, we've got different ways...unless you read this on facebook then go to http://muccifamily.blogspot.com )...

the stickers we ordered to sell to help raise the funds should be in sometime in the next week and we cannot WAIT to be able to start sellin those so we can move forward.  we've also got a garage sale thing going on with Mandy's fam to help raise money.  her folks have been wonderful, they each raided their personal belongings to sell things for us.  as momma Z said, "it could sit here, or go to help support my grandchild, hmmm"  she's wonderful!

i cannot wait to be a dad, i've shared on here before my excitement, but really, i can't wait...to have the opportunity to love and care for a child is quite possibly the greatest gift anyone could ever imagine...i can't wait to be called daddy for the first time (i'm smilin right now)...

...i'm not lookin forward to the first time i have to discipline, to the first time they say they are mad at me...mandy thinks i'll be a softee, maybe...

for those parents who read this, how about a story about being a mom or dad for those who might not read your blogs or notes?  much love everyone

(don't forget to check out our adoption blog http://muccifamily.blogspot.com )

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