i freakin love him

i got home and picked him out the car and his arms and legs wrapped around me and he put his head on my shoulder.  i carried him inside, took his shoes off and went straight to his room....

...daddy, i want books...sure thing buddy.

we read Chicken Says Cluck and Dancing Feet.  after, i rubbed his 100+ head and sang as best I could to help him fall asleep.  watching his eyes slowly close, feeling how crummy he felt, my heart began to break.  i could feel tears welling up in my eyes.  i freakin love this kid.  and i had to go back to work.

after work i came home and he seemed to be doing better, he was laughing and playing with little brother.  in about 20 he was sitting on the couch, obviously start to struggle again and he was startin to lose it, so i sat down and he instantly curled into my side and mandy said uh, oh.  i began to feel the warm rush of vomit on my side and i held him tighter, "you're doing a good job buddy. its ok.  its ok."

there is nothing that is ripping my heart up more than the inability to do something for my boy.  he just woke up after sleeping for 3.5 hours and tried to throw up again, but was dry-heaving.  he's so tired, but so confused as i tried to turn him towards me, he pushed me away, said no, than threw himself into my arms.  i freaking love him.

as we tucked him back in, he looked at me, his lip began to quiver and he said, "i ready to listen dad."  oh bubs, you aren't in trouble.  its ok, its ok...