3:30 AM Reflections

Doing dishes I found myself channeling my inner Brother Lawrence.  I was trying to help at our churches local warming shelter during the cold snap. Seeking the solace and comfort found only in the love of God.  Praying, yearning for some sense of his presence, all the while flinching at every move.  

Every sound made me wonder if the man (let's leave his name out of this) who was battling schizophrenia was hitting his breaking point.  After looking at pictures on the wall accusing them of being how we watched him, as well as his attempts to rile me up, asking me over and over if I wanted to go outside...every noise had me checking the kitchen window. One of the other guests calmed him down but he began to pace and fidget with everything.

I found myself asking the Lord to be incredibly present, to be my calm, be my courage, grant me grace upon grace.  And still every flush of the toilet I could hear through the wall, every open and close of the door to outside, every step someone would take I found myself flinching looking out the door window, then the back door in case he had looped around the building in an effort to surprise me...

...and it came to me...

This rush of understanding.

Sadness.

This feeling, this being on edge, this paranoia...just might be a taste of what he feels when he is off his meds as he was tonight. For a few moments, the edginess seemed to me a lesson.  A hard one.  A reminder of the pain of our world.  Be it Aleppo.  Be it Sudan.  Be it Flint. Be it Standing Rock.  Be it gangs.  Be it the drug trade.  Be it the sex trade. Pain is everywhere.  The sting, the stench, the reminders of the effects of sin permeate our lives.  And it was a reminder of how often we do all we can to shield ourselves, shield our children from it. 

And that's when my mind floated to my children. Still young, unknown who they will be when they head out on their own.  Their personalities starting to emerge.  Their individual passions and joy coming out. And with that, their pain too.  I would do anything to shield them from pain, to make their lives as pain-free, sin stench and sin sting free as possible!! And I shudder at the reality that I am powerless to do so.

Dear God.  Thank you for my family.  Thank you for Mom and Dad and Dom and Mia.  Thank you that we are all here, together as one family.

The prayer of my middle child echoing in my ears.  The prayer of my child who over the past months had an awakening of questions about his birth parents, his process towards adoption. The prayer of my child reminding me of the glimpses of the Kingdom of heaven.  Where God makes a family where there was no family. Where glimpses of grace echo within my ears and heart.

I left the kitchen.  Put all the cups back in their place, sat down to read my book.  Things were calm again, our friend came over, apologized, put a blanket on the man sleeping next to me.  Then he went back and laid on the floor, presumably to rest.  Seeming to know for those few moments that this church he was in was safe, was warm, and a place where he didn't have to fear.

Read More

Webele Uganda

As I sit in this air conditioned coffee shop, an FCA Staff favorite, my heart and mind are with the

many friends and family I gained while in Uganda.  I sat down to write about my experience, the growth God had caused within me, and my heart and mind are with the many friends and family I gained while in Uganda.  I have so many stories to share about the team I had the opportunity to travel with, how God used them, how God shook them; and my heart and mind are with the many friends and family I gained while in Uganda. There are not words nor space to tell their stories in one post; so maybe this becomes a continued post.  But as those who might take time to read this blog could tell you, I haven't been the best at writing series posts...

Sarah Nambawa
The mission and vision of FCA rolled off her tongue.  It was clear that it was not just an organizational passion; but one that Sarah held deeply.  A national hero, an athlete who was featured on the front page of the local paper just the week before, she stood before athletes and coaches and declared the mission and vision of FCA with conviction and passion.  No one could doubt that it was hers as well.  I have found a sister who inspires me greatly.  She leads her team in an amazing ways.  A team that is not paid, but it was clear they would rally around her and FCA because it was a mission and vision that they held deeply as well.  Sarah and I had many opportunities to talk about ministry; about serving and loving coaches and athletes.  We also had many opportunities to laugh with one another and rejoice with one another.  I will miss Sarah greatly. She is most definitely my sister. It was an honor to serve alongside her.  I pray she received encouragement and challenge from me; as I did from her.

Alan Nyago
One of Sarah's teammates; local to the community we spent most of our time in.  Alan, a man who's story and calling reflected much of my own.  A pastor and a coach, who coached multiple sports and worked alongside Sarah.  His stories of coaching clearly exposed him as a 3 Dimensional Coach.  As I walked Alan and Sarah through pieces of the 3D curriculum, his eyes and heart would light up.  You could see how much it resonated deeply within him. We enjoyed sharing coaching stories and our heart to see God transform the culture of sports to be a place of hope, belonging and a reflection of kingdom culture.

Emma 
This young man is legit. The son of a peasant farmer.  The son of a King.  A community leader who joined us as we led sports camps.  A young man who shared his testimony as if he had been speaking for years.  His ability to connect with the young people at the schools was evident.  The love and respect each of these children had for him was clear and obvious. I greatly enjoyed sitting with he and his father (coming soon), sharing hope and love with one another.  Every moment spent with Emma was a gift.  As we sat in his family's home the final day, they had gifts they wanted to give to us.  As I looked at the different bracelets on the table, I grabbed Emma's arm to study his and told him; I want mine to match yours.  Oh, to be like Emma, that would be a gift.

Philip
Emma's Father. A Holy man.  As we walked to their home on the final day, I said to one of the students, I feel as if we are walking to meet with the holy man.  My heart was anticipating the words and heart of God to meet with us through him because of his unbelievable obedience and connection with our creator.  Early in the week, our team leader asked about the growth in his family, the 3 children that had been added to their home in the last 6 months since they had seen them.  His response, "If I see children in need and do nothing; I am sinning against God." Mic drop. 'Nuff said.  The thought that I don't have enough space to continue to provide safety for kids seems silly.  Philip spoke so much hope and joy into our team.  It was abundantly clear as we sat in his home, that it had become our home.  That being with him was being with a holy man of God, a man whom God had chosen to reveal his greatness and glory through.


There are many more, and not enough words to type...but again to those who became family and friends...Webele for sharing yourselves with me...

Read More

Dear Graduate

You guys did it!! High School. Finished.  Most of you I won't have the privilege of seeing you receive the diploma you earned or even be at all the graduation celebrations.  So I wanted to just take a moment and say...

I knew it.  I knew you'd get here.  There was no doubt or wonder in my mind that you'd make it.  This is what you were made to do!  You were made to face challenges and step right over them, plow through them, you were made to succeed.

Here's the deal though...you are just getting started.  I'm so proud of each of you for putting your heads down and focusing on your work to get to this day.  In the midst of practice, games, training, work, sickness, life changes, all sorts of time-eaters; you pushed through and did it!

Now, get ready to do it again and again and again and again! You've done it over and over these past 18 years and now you will continue to do it throughout the rest of your life.  You were created, not to have challenges or obstacles break you down; you were created to go and do amazing things!  You were stamped with the image of the Creator, not just to get by, not just to live...but to LIVE!  Jesus said I've come that you might have abundant life!  So let's get after that abundant life!

Whether you starting your career, your time in trade school, an academy or college, get after it!  No matter what life looks like in 5, 10, 15 or 20 years...never stop getting after it.  Attack life with a zeal that never ceases, never wanes, never is overcome by the challenges you will inevitably face.

Lastly, I'd like to leave you with 3 thoughts:

1. You are made in the image of God.  Who you are is defined by the one who made you and whose image you were made in.  You are not the job you do.  You are not the sport you play.  You are not grades you get, the hobby you do, or a passive object that things happen to.  True, each of these things play a role in how you live, but that's not who you are!  Don't ever let your performance in any area of life (work, school, relationships) become how you measure your worth. Your worth is based on the One whose breath (ruach- look it up, it's Hebrew) you breathe.
2. Your life is not about you.  You have not been given this breath, this life to lead, these challenges to overcome so you can fatten your ego, feel better about yourself, and get whatever you can get in

this world.   Just because you were made in the image of God doesn't mean the world owes you anything.   Go change stuff, make stuff, teach stuff, play stuff, talk about stuff by serving everyone you come in contact with.  You are here for everyone else; live for them, make it better for them.  You are not here for you, you are here to do good for others.  So, go do it!
3. So, we've talked about who you are, why you are....now comes the how.  If I'm created in the image of God and for the sake of others, how do I live that out?  You love with grace, humility, and joy.  Life will be tough, you will have to overcome many, many things with humility and grace.  And this, not so that you might be this great human being but that you might be an agent of grace and redemption in this world!  You will accomplish stuff, thank those who are a part it with you.  You will be hurt by things and people, forgive them.   Never stop learning, never stop growing, and never stop living with joy and a smile on your face!

After all, you've been made in the image of God, and that's something to rejoice about.

Love you guys, can't wait to see all God does through you.

Read More

Almost Derailed

Just over 7 years.  That's how long I've been in Portland.  I've been giving the blessing of becoming a dad to my three amazing children.  Mandy and I have been able to buy our first house.  I've been able to coach, I've had the gift of getting to preach at camps and churches.  I've fallen in love with this community and feel so at home here.  I've gotten to go camping for the first time.  I've lost an incredible amount of weight.  It has been 7 joyous years with adventures I'll hopefully always remember.

It has also been 7 of the toughest years of my life.  As I sat in the lobby during the Global Leadership Summit last week, listening to the worship leaders from Hillsong, I was preoccupied with many different things.  As I stood next to a friend I met on the day I had moved to Portland, the realization of the different challenges and struggles came rushing in.  The ever returning question of should I find a different career was on the tip of my tongue once again.  

As I wrestled with those emotions, the verse I would share with football players and coaches the next day came flooding in.  

I opened the Word to read it again and there, in a verse I memorized back in my Bible Quizzing days, 5 words stood up with neon lights flashing around them.

...ok, not really, but you get the point.

perseverance. must. complete. its. work.

Those words staring me back in the face with the comforting assurance of a Father who would say, "I'm not finished with you yet.  Let it do its work.  Don't cut it off by taking off."

Humbled and grateful, I sat with my King.  No words said or suggested.  No writing.  No talking with the man who stood beside me.  Just me and Jesus, just being together.  As those words continued to float around in my mind and heart, I embarked on a weekend where I got to see God do some amazing things through work I had a direct role in.  I watched God use me in ways I hadn't experienced in a long time.  

Continuing to reflect on the struggle, the challenges and these 5 words; I have found myself believing that a good next step to help me continue to process and persevere would be to write, ok, type.  I won't share these on FB...not looking for a big audience.  But some of you will find this processing and you'll comment, and you'll help me process.  That will be appreciated.  In all these things I'll write, they will clearly be the perspective of one person.  In every story there are different perspectives as the sames story unfolds.  This will just be my perspective on what happened; and the resulting struggle I endured.

These are the stories and events that almost derailed me...stay tuned for the first.

Read More